Sometimes deciding to do something which is a bit (or a lot) outside of your comfort zone can feel really strange. But what is the impact of NOT getting out of your comfort Zone?
I bet most of you have seen that lovely Rom Com Drama “Sliding Doors” staring Gwyneth Paltrow …where two versions of one person’s life run alongside each other at the same time…and the viewer gets to see both versions of that life… Well let me take you through a little Sliding Doors scenario right now, to help you understand the impact that the decisions you make can have on your life.
In this ‘movie’ Gwynee isn’t the star.
It’s you.
Let’s give YOU (the heroine in this story) a name. I’m gonna call you Belle*.
One day, Belle, who is 20 weeks pregnant, visits a local Baby & Pregnancy Fair. She has gone with the intention of finding a local yoga class and picking up a few bargains for the baby. Belle notice’s a woman with long, red hair and a friendly face, chatting to some other pregnant women. They are exchanging details and talking quite intently. Intrigued, Belle makes her way towards the lady. The lady introduces herself as, Liz (c’mon- I was always gonna star in my own movie!). Liz begins to talk to Belle about the Antenatal Course she teaches. It’s called Hypnobirthing. Belle is vaguely familiar with the word and so listens to what Liz has to say.
This is the sliding door moment. Belle can either smile politely, declining any further information or she can decide to book onto a course (Liz is running some good offers at this fair!).
The Belle who decides to not to do Hypnobirthing actually says to Liz. “I have a really low pain threshold, all my friends have had horrible birth’s, I am just going to take all the drugs I can and hope for the best. Thanks- Bye!” This Belle walks away and carries on with her pregnancy. She pushes away the fear, rushing from her job to home and vice versa, trying to sleep at night but struggling due to the anxiety which is beginning to creep in. She hasn’t done any real preparation. She never does get round to doing that yoga class either. Her partner, is a lovely supportive person but doesn’t really know how to help her during her pregnancy or during labour and so he is feeling anxious too.
The big day comes. Labour begins. All those horrible stories from her friends come rushing to her mind in images and words. She thinks “this is going to be so awful and painful…I can’t wait for it to be over”. In response to those thoughts, Belle’s body tense’s up, she holds her breath, grits her teeth and just waits for the contraction to be over. This goes on for what feels like hours when eventually Belle goes into the obstetric led unit at her local hospital. There is no birth centre just a delivery suite environment which Belle had selected because she thought it was the safest option. Belle has never visited this hospital before today and upon entering her new environment, her fear increases and her contractions decrease.
When she is examined, Belle is told that she is 4 cm and can stay in the hospital. Belle feels gutted…it feels like it has taken so long to get to 4cm, she doesn’t know how much longer she can go on for… Her contractions have come back but she isn’t making as much progress as the midwives would expect. The doctor wants to speed her labour up and Belle, not knowing there are other options, goes ahead. Her contractions become stronger, the pain is unbearable now, she is so afraid. She asks for pain relief. Again, Belle doesn’t know what her options are or anything about the drugs on offer. When the drug takes effect, she feels the pain dim but not go away. She begins to feel spaced out, not in control and her fear increases.
Eventually, Belle becomes exhausted. The midwives and consultants are concerned and so they intervene. It feels like there are a lot of people in the room, coaching her on when and how to push, the cord is cut immediately, after a minute or two, Belle’s baby girl is passed to her and she feels relieved that her ordeal is now over. She can concentrate on getting to know her baby. But she can’t shake the feeling that it could have been so very different.
Let’s go back to the Sliding Door moment at that Pregnancy and Baby Fair. This Belle has decided to book onto the Hypnobirthing course. The course begins in two weeks and Belle and her husband, Tom, are looking forward to it. Even after the first session Belle begins to feel calmer. She understands the mind/body connection which is something she has never thought about before. In earnest she begins to listen to her MP3’s and looks forward to each weekly Hypnobirthing session. Belle learns how her body works and how to work with it, she learns about what happens during labour and how to help increase the flow of Oxytocin and Endorphins. Tom learns how he can support Belle and he completely understands what his role is. Together they finish the course knowing all this as well how the induction process works and how Hypnobirthing can help in Special Circumstances. Armed with a toolkit of breathing and relaxation techniques Belle and Tom continue their practice at home, listening to the MP3’s daily. Belle feels positive, is enjoying her pregnancy and even looking forward to the birth. Belle and Liz stay in touch throughout the rest of the pregnancy and when Belle has a wobble at 36 weeks, Liz is there to help her get back on track.
The big day arrives. Labour begins. Initially Belle feels anxious but she talks to Tom, practices her Calm breathing and soon she feels calm again. As labour progresses she can’t believe how effective her breathing techniques are and she feels so in control. Her body is relaxed and she visualises her body opening and expanding- doing the job it is designed to do. She runs her favourite affirmation through her mind “Your surges are not stronger than you because they are you”.
Tom has been timing her surges and together they decide it’s time to head to the Birth Centre. Belle spent a lot of time looking at her local hospitals and birth centres and settled upon one which was 20 minutes from her home. When she arrives, the midwife greets her with a smile and notices how calm she is. “Are you doing Hypnobirthing?” she asks. Belle is elated that her midwife seems to know and approve of Hypnobirthing and immediately begins to feel relaxed in her care and in her new environment.
Belle decides she would like a vaginal examination at this stage but that she doesn’t want any more unless it’s necessary. The midwife tells her she is 4cm. Belle is elated! Established labour! The midwife says she will start to fill the birthing pool soon and Belle and Tom settle in. Tom puts up some affirmations and starts to play Belle’s MP3’s. He gets out the aromatherapy oils and then applies some Light Touch Massage to Belle’s back.
Belle starts to “moo” after some time and make some deep throaty noises. Tom feels hopeful that things are progressing quickly! Belle gets in the water and it isn’t long until she feels the need to breathe her baby down. She panics a little as her body starts to push her baby out. It’s a feeling like no other! Tom gets Belle to look him in the eyes and he reassures her. They breathe together and she feels calm again. She takes her time, going with the lead of body and eventually she feels her baby’s head crowning. The midwife encourages her to keep doing what she is doing and Belle takes comfort in that. When the baby’s head is born, Belle knows that it won’t be long until she feels her baby in her arms. Another surge of her body and Belle slowly scoops her baby up in her arms and holds her close to her chest. She feels elated! She did it!!! Her baby looks into her eyes and Belle has never felt love like it. The cord ceases pulsating and Tom cuts it. He feels so proud that they both worked as a team to create such a positive experience.
Belle’s decision NOT to do Hypnobirthing impacted her whole pregnancy. She was frightened, ill-informed and Tom didn’t really feature in her birth experience at all. But the Belle who decided to give Hypnobirthing a chance had a totally different experience. This Belle begins parenthood confidently and feels self-assured.
So, here is your “Sliding Door” moment….
On the 21st January I am holding a FREE Hypnobirthing Taster session. If you want to find out more about how Hypnobirthing can help you prepare positively for labour and birth send me an email to liz@enhanceyourbirth.co.uk and I will book you on!
*Belle is totally fictional
