Why do I feel so guilty all the time?!

Mothers guilt…I am sure that most of you will know what I am talking about. Well, I hope you do. I’m not alone in this am I?

I had an epic moment of Mothers Guilt on Saturday which really was a massive #mumfail as far as my 6 year old is concerned. I had been invited to celebrate a 50th birthday at an Afternoon Tea Party with all the women on my Mums side of the family. It was fabulous.

Half way through, I realised that I had packed my little man off to a Super Hero birthday party…without the Super hero costume.

Damn it!

Images of him feeling outcast and distressed as well as just not being able to enjoy the party flooded my brain. My poor child, not only had I NOT taken him to the party so I could ENJOY myself but I had forgotten one of the most important elements of preparation for the party!

The day was saved by my Mum friend and saviour in this particular incident.  She had offered to take my son to the party and upon discovering my #mumfail she had provided a spare costume and suddenly sad, lonely, lost 6 year old became…


Thank god for Mum friends.

But when did I start feeling so guilty all the time?

I remember eating something I wasn’t supposed to eat whilst I was pregnant with my first (I can’t really remember what it was) and when I realised what I had done, I was distraught! I remember thinking, what an irresponsible person I was and I was consumed with worry and fear for my baby.

The reality is, my baby was healthy and is now a very healthy nearly 9 year old. But at the time, I didn’t know any better, it all felt very new and overwhelming.

During your pregnancy you might think that once baby is here, the overwhelming sense of responsibility might disappear. The only thing is, when your baby arrives, you start to feel guilty because your baby is crying and maybe he/she won’t feed properly.

So YOU start to cry and think ‘I’m failing already’…

More guilt.

One of my children was a constant cryer and a non-sleeper. At one point, I thought he mustn’t like me very much but of course that’s not true. I was and am his everything, his constant permanent reminder that he is loved. Some babies just cry a lot, or need more cuddles, time and displays of love and affection then others. Just because your baby cries a lot and your friends baby doesn’t, doesn’t mean she is a better mother than you… It’s just that damn guilt again.

Mothers Guilt is present when you get pregnant with your 2nd, 3rd child… You feel guilty that you are so tired you can’t play with your toddler as much anymore. Or when that baby arrives you feel so desperately sorry for your 2 year old because she just doesn’t understand what is going on and keeps asking “when is that baby going home to his Mummy?’….Hmmmmm ‘Well darling, let me explain….’

I seem to be constantly in a state of Mothers (goddam) guilt at the moment. Running my own business, seems to be a never ending stream of talking to my children whilst engaging in email, text or some other form of iPhone communication with someone else. Don’t get me wrong, running my own business means I get to do what I love and enjoy, it also means that I can do the school run and go to all the assembly’s but it does mean that I don’t clock off at 5pm.

Back to the Champagne Afternoon Tea (did I mention Champagne was involved? #moreguilt). It was great to catch up with people in my family who I hadn’t seen in ages or even who I hadn’t met before. It was nice to be away from the usual Saturday afternoon activities and do something that was more for me! I went back to my gorgeous family feeling more refreshed, happy and able to connect with my children. It’s so important for us all to get some time out and away to recharge ourselves. Then we can contend with the guilt, the pace of life and any challenges that arise in a much better way.

I have a Pregnancy Retreat planned on the 8th July for a small group of women to unwind, relax and bond with their babies whilst learning skills and tools for pregnancy, birth and beyond. If you would like to say ‘sod off’ to the guilt for a little while and find out more, get in touch on for a full itinerary.